Sick of Being the Peacemaker: Father vs Son.


Either Carson is 6 going on 16 or hubby is 30 going on 13. I am getting sick to death of being the peacemaker between the two of them. They don't converse, they battle. They argue like cat and bloody dog. It's like Carson fights for his place as Alpha Male - does this happen to anyone else? Please say I'm not the only one?

He listens to me and does as he is told... mostly (as best as a 6 year old (with aspergers) can do.) But when it comes to his Dad, it's like he ignores his request or answers back with a logical explanation as to why he should/shouldn't be doing what's being asked.

It doesn't help that hubs uses rather sarcastic or rhetorical questions sometimes (almost in the hope Carson'll 'get them') and Carson, being the way he is, just answers them literally. I think it's getting to the point where we need some help as to how to deal with Carson as a team because, frankly, it's killing me off.

To see hubs say something like "say that one more time Carson and you'll be on that naughty step" and Carson to simply repeat what it was he wasn't to repeat... because he took it as a request to do so. This gets hubs very annoyed, and then Carson answers him back with the logical explanation of "you told me to say it one more time"... and around in circles we go.

Hubs doesn't have much patience with him at all. When I raise my concerns to him, he thinks I'm picking on him and ganging up on him with Carson. It gets to the point where if, for example, he takes something from Carson as punishment for something - hubs asks me to "stick up for him" without me even being involved in the first place. *sigh* 

Seriously? How long is this going to last, because it's wearing me down BIG time.

I don't think I've ever written a proper post regarding Carson's autistic assessments - I don't feel it's necessary to do so. In fact, it annoys me a little when I read posts that are designed to set their children aside from others just because they are autistic. I'm all for dismissing it until I have to explain it to others to be honest.
Not belittling the condition one bit here by the way, I'm just saying he's just Carson. My Carson. Not 'autistic Carson' or 'my Aspergers' son'. 

He's incredibly clever - reading and writing at less than 2 years old and talks like he's been here before (his vocab shocked the consultant paediatrician!), oh, and never forgets a past date/occasion. He shocked us all late last year, by recalling a specific day and date in March 2012 and telling us what we got for breakfast, where we went etc... totally bizarre, but I wouldn't have it any other way! His quirks are what make him just Carson. But are these quirks the cause of this daily headache, or is it just kids being kids vs fathers being fathers?

I am, basically, just sounding off here to be honest. I suppose I just want to know if this happens in all households or just mine, purely because of Carson's condition?

If it happens to everyone... any tips for stopping this male horn locking? I can't be doing with it three-fold when Fin gets to Carson's age too. God help me!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


  1. I feel for you Jo, it must be an absolute nightmare at times. I wasn't aware of Carson's diagnosis (why would I to be fair!?) but I can totally understand him taking things literally, he can't help it! Poor you, I hope your hubby can learn to keep his cool better and whether it's due to Carson's asbergers or not, that things get better at home soon. Big hugs xxx

  2. Thanks for your comment Hannah. I tear my hair out half the time. He's such a sweet, compassionate soul but just clashes with his daddy all the time. Gaaah! To be a mum ha! X

  3. I feel for you here, i live in a house of males. I am the only female and it is a nightmare. My eldest has ADHD and at times things get a bit heated between him and his dad (Danny my eldest is18). I hope things get better at home for you very soon x

  4. I really do feel for you, I can imagine it's so wearing at times. I have no practical advice to offer (sorry), but maybe it would be worth you all speaking to a professional - health visitor, GP, whoever you feel comfortable with, and maybe they can suggest some positive steps?

  5. Gosh, that sounds exhausting. But I second Kate Fevers suggestion of maybe having a chat with a healthcare visitor - or even seeking out any threads on MN or other ones that may have some interesting perspectives. X


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